Have you ever asked the question, why do people respect others? Where does this respect come from? Do we respect others because they have something which we lack? Is it a genuine admiration for their unique qualities? Yes, we respect others because we do not have the same admirable qualities in us. We love to correct our deficiencies; it is all part of growing up. One way of respecting people is to use them as role models and try to emulate those admirable qualities. It is said by someone that ‘imitation is the best form of flattery.’ We usually look up to people who we respect and then we lookdown on people with contempt for having too much of a good thing at the expense of other people. There is some truth in the perception that ‘one man’s wealth is another man’s poverty.’ Although we love rich and luxurious living, we have distaste for such a lifestyle acquired by victimising the poor and marginalised people in society. In the sixties, British Prime, Minister Harold Wilson, identified them as ‘fat cats.’ We also suspect people who thrive on enormous secular or religious power by suppressing authentic voices of people who oppose such blatant arrogance. We suspect their motives.

There is a third human attitude which is despicable, in that some people have a lack of respect for the down trodden masses, voiceless and marginalised people in society. But in Jesus we see the opposite; He was a partisan for the poor, the failures, and the insignificant. He was the champion of the underdog. He told them in no uncertain terms, “The greatest among you will be your servant. All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted.” He has no ‘favoured-son attitude’ even to his close disciples. To them he told: “Who ever wishes to become great among you must be your servant and whoever wishes to be first among you must be slave of all. These are admirable qualities of Jesus worth our respect and worship. Worship is another aspect of respect; fan clubs are built around cult heroes and heroines. There is always someone, very special, who demands our admiration, respect and adoration.

Life can be quite stressful, especially when we lack self respect, and respect for those around us and all of creation. Respectful attitudes, courtesy, and good manners may be things of the past, which are filed away safely in our memory stores. “Manners maketh man.” Therefore, lack of manner is the unmaking of man in recent times. People do not care any more for old-fashioned manners like responding to a letter or email. Late Alexander Mar Thoma Metropolitan was a paragon of the virtue of good manners; he spent hours in replying to letters, emails and faxes. Now people think it is very credit worthy in having the power to ignore others correspondences. Although we have created super highways for communication, we are not very good in communicating and interacting with people and as a result we are losing the power of influencing people and interacting with people. My parents taught me the simple courtesy of responding to letters, which I was able to carry on all these years.

Talk shows are always criticising everyone and everything. Journalists are lurking around to dig dirt and throw it at anyone providing a public service. There is concerted effort in the media to destroy the credibility and authority of secular and religious leaders. To many of them, authority is something to be laughed at. Over the last fifteen years or so there is a general lack of respect for authority in England. Media people made it a hobby to ridicule British Prime Ministers and Royalty. These remarkable people have more respect and admiration outside the British Isles. Media is mainly responsible for this, they do not expect anyone to do anything good, and if they do then they have no role any more. They build them up, put them on a pedestal and then mercilessly push them down to gutter. From rude driving habits resulting in road rages to curt responses at supermarkets make us wonder whether civility is eroding in the present time. Do we still carry with us the nostalgia for a past and respect for our family lives, our neighbours, our religious practice, our state, nation, leaders, our environment, political processes, commercial and professional advice, teachers, our elders and wise folks?

Is it possible that we have allowed the erosion of respect through silence, lack of manners, or through pranks, jokes, back-biting, unresolved disputes and cynicism? Has courteous respect wasted away? Did respect erode imperceptibly through commercialism, wars, class and caste conflicts, professional jealousies, crass exploitation of the land, and the ever expanding gulf between the rich and poor? How much violence of the media, ready unearned-cash through credit cards, talk about rights alone instead of rights and responsibilities, and a heavy volume of unprocessed information influencing this erosion of respect. Maybe we were respectful in the past, but that may be quite a romantic notion about the past. Whether the past was in its fullness of good behaviour or not, we get clues that there had been a history of lack of respect for life of the poor and marginalised people, for women, or for leaders, "I alone matter" attitude can play havoc to any common currency of respect. To pay respects to someone who is sick or to the bereaved is an age old custom that deserves preserving. To welcome a person into a community, to offer a seat to an elderly person in a public space, or to send a get well card is sign of respect, we hope will not be lost.

Why is respect eroding? Is it decadence in our culture? Is it the break down of marriage, family, community and neighbourhood that all occur when respect for others fails? Is there a championing of irreverence and informality in the mass media? Some suggest that the breakdown in respect and reverence extends both to the people and to the mother earth itself. Broken down communities are tell tale signs of broken down eco systems. As mountains are levelled, paddy fields filled, and the forest cover stripped away to satisfy distant global markets we are levelling our value systems too; it is a domino effect, everything in line falls. When we are persuaded by the best selling books such as ‘The God Delusion’ to regard our religion as worthless, we feel that we are left powerless to change the tide of events.

Yet in the middle of all these erosion of values and respects, there are amazing people who value and respect others’ worth and their contributions. I had this amazing friend in Bombay for over fifty years, and who was paragon of an amazing virtue of enjoying the success of others as his own and suffering the failures of others as his own failures. When we used to mention to this gentleman successes and achievements of our friends and acquaintances he would light up and get elated as if he himself has obtained those credits. I have never seen such other-centeredness in any human beings. He was indeed a man who lived and cared for others. For me, knowing this gentleman and his family was indeed one of the greatest blessings in my life. Many of us his friends still mourn his death and at the same time thank God for his amazing life. This is respect in its finest form, internalising all aspect of another person in all totality. This is friendship, living within the life of another. Do we have any friend who lives within our lives? If you have, then you are the luckiest person on earth. I once wrote about this friend of a mine as an orchid Christian because he lived all his life for bring beauty and happiness to other people; he was able to do it effortlessly because of his God-centred life.

I am equally blessed in knowing a transplant surgeon and his most trusted team of doctors and nurses in Karachi, with whom I worked on and off for 28 years in helping the very poor in that country in providing treatment for end stage chronic kidney disease. This friend of mine picks patients from poor and deprived areas of Karachi and other cities of Pakistan, provides dialysis and transplantation and at no cost to patients and their families. He carries out just over 150 live-donor kidney transplants every year and provides dialysis for over thousand patients. He has very little financial support from Government agencies for this very expensive medical service, but he has the support and total trust of the community. When he was given the Asian equivalent of the Nobel Prize for this humanitarian service, he was reluctant to accept the award because of his humility and servant mentality. He senses their needs and provides them food, medicine and the whole package of treatment. This is sheer respect for human condition. It is a blessing to see the face of Jesus in such an amazing human being. I think of this friend of mine as the ‘Mother Teresa of Karachi.’ It is indeed a blessing and a privilege in knowing him. This Muslim friend of mine wrote in our visitor’s book once: “I would like to share bread and blood with you Zac,” what an amazing brotherhood, what an amazing humanity. Such people help you to realise that we have not completely lost the plot. Religious divide is not preventing him to extend his helping hands to people of need. He is the one who realises that human needs are beyond human help and he has the absolute humility in knowing his limitations and the enormity of the task in front of him. He too is a God-centred man.

I also have a very noble Hindu friend, a great scientist, who once led the Indian expedition team to Antarctica who dedicated the last several years entirely for looking after his beautiful and very talented daughter who has a very serious illness. He does this without any regret, without cursing God, but with amazing love and dedication. I am very blessed in knowing him too. I just described three different people from three different backgrounds who were driven by the love of God who had God-given respect for the divinity in other people. There are many others I know from other situations of life, they are all my role models, I cannot thank any of these people enough the way they helped me in my faith journey because they all had their unique way showing and sharing the love of God with others. There are my answer to Richard Dawkins and his book, ‘The God Delusion.’

We need to develop a sensitivity to feel the divinity in another person; we need to have the humility to see the face of Christ in all those who we meet. This idea is a day to day reality in the Indian tradition of saying ‘namaste.’ In the Indian tradition people greet one another when they meet by bringing their hands together, raise them towards their, forehead, and bow their head in utter humility. By doing this, they are meant to admit silently, ‘I bow my head and all my being to the grace-filled divinity in you.’ Is there any other better way to establish an ‘I- Thou’ relationship between two human beings. It is the spirituality of seeing all as Christ. This idea should become an everyday reality in our lives. In St. John’s Gospel we have the beautiful expressions of ‘abiding-in-me’ messages. Jesus continues to say to us, “If you keep my commandments, commandments of loving one another, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.” Yes, we need to respect others and not suspect. May such respect grow day by day in our attitude towards others.